Elliott said like 3 words at 18 months. Not kidding. And they were mostly variations of the same sounds. "Stuck." "Tucker." and "Duck." For a few months he said "Daddy" but then he stopped. And he never said "Mommy."
Shortly after his 18 month check-up he started saying all kinds of words. And now, right at 2 years, he talks all. the. time. And clearly, I might add. Like the other day when I walked in his room to get him up for the day and he said, "It's not really very dark out anymore, mommy." Slightly taken aback by the number of words in that thought I replied, "Well, no, no it's not, Elliott."
I'm glad he talks now. Mostly because he says the FUNNIEST things. His littly spunky personality finally has a little spunky mouth as well.
Here are some conversations we had today:
(This was in the middle of a conversation after he got disciplined for running into the street.)
Me: "Elliott, you are a sinner. You need a __________." (this is where he should say "Savior")
Elliott: "Binky."
(This was as he was crawling down the stairs on his belly, face first while I was reading a book to Caleb.)
Elliott: "I'm not gonna kill myself mommy."
Me, as I look up to see what he is doing: "Huh, Elliott? Oh my goodness, be careful."
Elliott: "I'm not gonna kill myself. I'm ok."
Indeed, he did not kill himself. But I about died laughing.
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them." Psalm 127:3-5
September 30, 2010
September 17, 2010
Hope for the best?
Well, I wasn't anticipating this post.
But I do believe that prayer makes a difference so I'm asking you to pray.
After Gabe was born my doctor told me my placenta had some blood clots in it. She wanted to run some tests to rule out a few unnamed medical conditions. Though tempted to worry (and dig for information on google so that I could figure out what to worry about) God helped me just put it to the back of my mind and wait for August and my yearly exam where I'd get tested. I had the lab work done (thank you, kind phlebotemist, for sucking what seemed like 14 gallons of blood out with a teeny tiny pediatric needle). The nurse called last night to report. Unfortunately, I missed the call. Seeing as how she didn't leave a report but told me to call her back, I knew the result was probably not good. I immediately returned her phone call. It was 7:01. Office closed at 7:00.
Ben was out of town so I had more than enough to keep my mind occupied. It's like a 3 ring circus trying to get my crazy clowns to bed. Thankfully 3 of my favorite people in the world (you know who you are and seriously, you are the best!!!!) came over tomake my children even more hyper help. After the circus was over and the ring leaders left, I was tempted to worry again but then convinced myself to push it to the back of my mind not knowing what she was going to say.
The office opened at 9:00 this morning and I called at 9:01. Voicemail. Bummer. She called back a few hours later and very sweetly said, "Angie, I just wanted to let you know that your blood work has come back and it's normal...." {insert a very long pause which I know is going to end with the word but} "....but there were 2 tests that came back with slightly elevated levels that Dr. Alexander would like to repeat. They could still be elevated from your last pregnancy so she'd like to wait another month and retest. Don't worry. Just schedule a lab appointment and come back in a month. Any questions?"
Yes, thank you. I have a lot of questions. Like "What tests came back elevated? What are you looking for? How am I supposed to not worry? Can you be a bit more specific? Am I going to die? "
I did inquire further and she gave me a bit more information. They are investigating an autoimmune disorder and a blood clotting disorder. I got off the phone kind of suprised, slightly in shock, and tempted to fear. It's only been a few hours since I heard the news (which, let me just remind you really isn't news since I don't know anything for certain) and I've been through the gamut of emotions and thoughts.
I am tempted to worry about right now. I am tempted to fear what this means for the future. I am tempted to dismay. I am tempted to fear sudden disaster. I am tempted to be anxious about more medical expenses for more medical tests. I am tempted to dwell. I am tempted to desire a different result.
And even with all those temptations, God has helped me to pull my gaze away from those and focus on the Cross--the absolute, objective, reality that He loves me. That He is for me. That He is with me. AND that He already knows.
That said, temptations are coming quick and I'm having to actively work to fight them off with the Truth of God's word. And here is the realization He is giving me:
My flesh wants to hope for the best, hope in good reports from doctors, hope in comfortable circumstances. He wants me to hope in Him.
I have seen a pattern of this in my life since Gabe was born. Unless I am actively seeking to hope in Him, my default is to hope in something else. I default to hoping that Gabe's medicine is working because his heart rate is staying in the range they want it in. I default to hope in a good report showing no arrhytmeas each time he wears the Holter monitor. When I was told to wait until August, I hoped everything would be ok and just pushed it aside until the test came. When the test time came, I resolved to just wait until the results came. Now the results came, but they are unclear. Part of me would like to know right now so that I can research and find information to hope in or the best doctor in the field to hope in. My default even allows me to hope in clarity.
Trying to meditate on God's word as I was rocking (Small aside: I was actually sitting in a chair rocking; he let me sit down! You should be excited! It's a big step!) my sweet baby to sleep, I had an idea. Since I won't know anymore news for another 6 weeks (one month until retest and two weeks waiting for results) it would be easy for me to just push it aside like I've done in the past. No sense thinking about what I don't really know yet. But I think then I will be missing the point. I think then I will have missed an opportunity to put into practice all He has been teaching me about trusting Him with my little heart-condition boy. I think He is calling me to serve Him right now with my response to the news. Remember, the only thing He is calling me to at this moment is to serve Him??? I would be remiss if I didn't apply this truth to this new situation.
I want to hope in Him. I want Him to be my only hope.
Will you pray with me?
Will you pray that He would accomplish the good purpose He has for this season, these 6 weeks of waiting?
Will you pray for active strength to fight temptation as it comes?
Will you pray with me that my levels would return to normal?
Will you pray that even if I actually do suffer from these two ailments that He would see fit to heal me from the things the doctors are investigating for His glory?
The verses He has brought to mind since talking to the nurse:
Psalm 56 (emphasis mine)
3 When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.
4 In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can flesh do to me?....
....8 You have kept count of my tossings; [3]
put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?
9 Then my enemies will turn back
in the day when I call.
This I know, that [4] God is for me.
10 In God, whose word I praise,
in the Lord, whose word I praise,
11 in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
Psalm 69
13 But as for me, my prayer is to you, O Lord.
At an acceptable time, O God,
in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness.
Psalm 42
11 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
Lamentations 3
21 But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
But I do believe that prayer makes a difference so I'm asking you to pray.
After Gabe was born my doctor told me my placenta had some blood clots in it. She wanted to run some tests to rule out a few unnamed medical conditions. Though tempted to worry (and dig for information on google so that I could figure out what to worry about) God helped me just put it to the back of my mind and wait for August and my yearly exam where I'd get tested. I had the lab work done (thank you, kind phlebotemist, for sucking what seemed like 14 gallons of blood out with a teeny tiny pediatric needle). The nurse called last night to report. Unfortunately, I missed the call. Seeing as how she didn't leave a report but told me to call her back, I knew the result was probably not good. I immediately returned her phone call. It was 7:01. Office closed at 7:00.
Ben was out of town so I had more than enough to keep my mind occupied. It's like a 3 ring circus trying to get my crazy clowns to bed. Thankfully 3 of my favorite people in the world (you know who you are and seriously, you are the best!!!!) came over to
The office opened at 9:00 this morning and I called at 9:01. Voicemail. Bummer. She called back a few hours later and very sweetly said, "Angie, I just wanted to let you know that your blood work has come back and it's normal...." {insert a very long pause which I know is going to end with the word but} "....but there were 2 tests that came back with slightly elevated levels that Dr. Alexander would like to repeat. They could still be elevated from your last pregnancy so she'd like to wait another month and retest. Don't worry. Just schedule a lab appointment and come back in a month. Any questions?"
Yes, thank you. I have a lot of questions. Like "What tests came back elevated? What are you looking for? How am I supposed to not worry? Can you be a bit more specific? Am I going to die? "
I did inquire further and she gave me a bit more information. They are investigating an autoimmune disorder and a blood clotting disorder. I got off the phone kind of suprised, slightly in shock, and tempted to fear. It's only been a few hours since I heard the news (which, let me just remind you really isn't news since I don't know anything for certain) and I've been through the gamut of emotions and thoughts.
I am tempted to worry about right now. I am tempted to fear what this means for the future. I am tempted to dismay. I am tempted to fear sudden disaster. I am tempted to be anxious about more medical expenses for more medical tests. I am tempted to dwell. I am tempted to desire a different result.
And even with all those temptations, God has helped me to pull my gaze away from those and focus on the Cross--the absolute, objective, reality that He loves me. That He is for me. That He is with me. AND that He already knows.
That said, temptations are coming quick and I'm having to actively work to fight them off with the Truth of God's word. And here is the realization He is giving me:
My flesh wants to hope for the best, hope in good reports from doctors, hope in comfortable circumstances. He wants me to hope in Him.
I have seen a pattern of this in my life since Gabe was born. Unless I am actively seeking to hope in Him, my default is to hope in something else. I default to hoping that Gabe's medicine is working because his heart rate is staying in the range they want it in. I default to hope in a good report showing no arrhytmeas each time he wears the Holter monitor. When I was told to wait until August, I hoped everything would be ok and just pushed it aside until the test came. When the test time came, I resolved to just wait until the results came. Now the results came, but they are unclear. Part of me would like to know right now so that I can research and find information to hope in or the best doctor in the field to hope in. My default even allows me to hope in clarity.
Trying to meditate on God's word as I was rocking (Small aside: I was actually sitting in a chair rocking; he let me sit down! You should be excited! It's a big step!) my sweet baby to sleep, I had an idea. Since I won't know anymore news for another 6 weeks (one month until retest and two weeks waiting for results) it would be easy for me to just push it aside like I've done in the past. No sense thinking about what I don't really know yet. But I think then I will be missing the point. I think then I will have missed an opportunity to put into practice all He has been teaching me about trusting Him with my little heart-condition boy. I think He is calling me to serve Him right now with my response to the news. Remember, the only thing He is calling me to at this moment is to serve Him??? I would be remiss if I didn't apply this truth to this new situation.
I want to hope in Him. I want Him to be my only hope.
Will you pray with me?
Will you pray that He would accomplish the good purpose He has for this season, these 6 weeks of waiting?
Will you pray for active strength to fight temptation as it comes?
Will you pray with me that my levels would return to normal?
Will you pray that even if I actually do suffer from these two ailments that He would see fit to heal me from the things the doctors are investigating for His glory?
The verses He has brought to mind since talking to the nurse:
Psalm 56 (emphasis mine)
3 When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.
4 In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can flesh do to me?....
....8 You have kept count of my tossings; [3]
put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?
9 Then my enemies will turn back
in the day when I call.
This I know, that [4] God is for me.
10 In God, whose word I praise,
in the Lord, whose word I praise,
11 in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
Psalm 69
13 But as for me, my prayer is to you, O Lord.
At an acceptable time, O God,
in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness.
Psalm 42
11 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
Lamentations 3
21 But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; [2]
his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
So do I hope for the best? Of course! But with my hope IN GOD, I know that whatever He brings is most definitely best.
September 11, 2010
Brotherly Love
I carried the little boys downstairs, one in each arm, the other morning and sat them in daddy's big chair while I went to fill a sippy cup. When I came back, big brother was sitting between them loving on them.
I quickly snapped this picture:
Satisfied that I'd caught the beautiful moment on camera, I turned to put the camera away. Walking away I hear Caleb lovingly remark, "Awwwhhh. I love you guys!" It suddenly became even more beautiful...
I quickly snapped this picture:
Satisfied that I'd caught the beautiful moment on camera, I turned to put the camera away. Walking away I hear Caleb lovingly remark, "Awwwhhh. I love you guys!" It suddenly became even more beautiful...
August 27, 2010
What God Has Been Teaching Me, Part 4
In that moment, God reminded me that my problem wasn't a baby who was always gassy, never sleeping, with a heart condition. He consoled me that He cared for Gabe. This was His best for Gabe. BUT, the problem is my sin.
He reminded me that He cares for me, too. This is His BEST for me. You see, He isn't content to leave me where I am. God had used Gabe's birth and events thereafter to sanctify me, to make me more like His Son. He wasn't done, though I thought He might be. And because He loves me (He sent His Son to die IN MY PLACE while I was still a sinner) He is faithfully, steadfastly, continuing to complete this good work he began in me until it is finished.
But it's not finished yet. I still sin. He has "made perfect forever those who are being made holy." Hebrews 10:14. In other words, He counts me righteous because of Jesus' death on my behalf. And He's making me holy by constantly changing me while I am still on earth. Amazing!
Jerry Bridges writes a highly-recommended book called Respectable Sins . I once heard him tell a group of people that he had wished he could title it "The Acceptable Sins of the Saints" for that is more accurately telling what the book is about; sins we seem to accept as ok though in reality they are still sin. Afterall, I haven't been killing anyone, or stealing, or lying. I have thought many times (and you maybe have as well even reading my posts) that there is nothing wrong with the way I'm thinking. Afterall, I have been dealt a challenging hand. But that is not entirely true. What I am tempted to call "caring about Gabe" the Bible calls "worry." What I call "being upset" the Bible calls "anger." What I call "venting frustrations" the Bible calls "grumbling."
I want to root out these sins not because doing so will make me more righteous. Impossible. I cannot do anything to merit His favor or make me righteous. For I am counted righteous because He took the punishment on my behalf and gave me His righteousness. I keep singing these lyrics from a song at church:
"Jesus, friend of sinners
A crown of thorns you wore for me
Bruised for my transgressions
Pierced for my iniquities
The wrath of God that I deserved
Was poured out on the innocent
He took my place, my soul to save
Now I am his forever"
No. I want to root out these sins because I love Him. I want to root out these sins because I want to do great things for the glory of God. I want to root out these sins because I want less of me and more of Him. I want to be like Emily Judson, remember?
He reminded me that He cares for me, too. This is His BEST for me. You see, He isn't content to leave me where I am. God had used Gabe's birth and events thereafter to sanctify me, to make me more like His Son. He wasn't done, though I thought He might be. And because He loves me (He sent His Son to die IN MY PLACE while I was still a sinner) He is faithfully, steadfastly, continuing to complete this good work he began in me until it is finished.
But it's not finished yet. I still sin. He has "made perfect forever those who are being made holy." Hebrews 10:14. In other words, He counts me righteous because of Jesus' death on my behalf. And He's making me holy by constantly changing me while I am still on earth. Amazing!
Jerry Bridges writes a highly-recommended book called Respectable Sins . I once heard him tell a group of people that he had wished he could title it "The Acceptable Sins of the Saints" for that is more accurately telling what the book is about; sins we seem to accept as ok though in reality they are still sin. Afterall, I haven't been killing anyone, or stealing, or lying. I have thought many times (and you maybe have as well even reading my posts) that there is nothing wrong with the way I'm thinking. Afterall, I have been dealt a challenging hand. But that is not entirely true. What I am tempted to call "caring about Gabe" the Bible calls "worry." What I call "being upset" the Bible calls "anger." What I call "venting frustrations" the Bible calls "grumbling."
I want to root out these sins not because doing so will make me more righteous. Impossible. I cannot do anything to merit His favor or make me righteous. For I am counted righteous because He took the punishment on my behalf and gave me His righteousness. I keep singing these lyrics from a song at church:
"Jesus, friend of sinners
A crown of thorns you wore for me
Bruised for my transgressions
Pierced for my iniquities
The wrath of God that I deserved
Was poured out on the innocent
He took my place, my soul to save
Now I am his forever"
No. I want to root out these sins because I love Him. I want to root out these sins because I want to do great things for the glory of God. I want to root out these sins because I want less of me and more of Him. I want to be like Emily Judson, remember?
"The person who would do great things well must practice daily on little ones; and she who would have the assistance of the Almighty in important acts, must be daily and hourly accustomed to consult His will in the minor affairs of life."
A look at these is coming next: grumbling, anger, anxiety, fear, love of ease, pride, idolatry.
August 26, 2010
Photo Break
Big boys were sleeping this afternoon. Baby? Not so much. So we took some pictures! Enjoy!
 |
| Push-up! |
 |
| Getting ready to roll... |
 |
| ...and I made it! |
 |
| All tuckered out! (One of my faves, just wish it wasn't blurry! I think he looks like my baby pictures in this one.) |
August 23, 2010
What God Has Been Teaching Me, Part 3
So He whispered to me, "Concentrate on how you can serve me."
It was immediately as if a burden was lifted, a huge weight removed. I had been trying for so many days to figure out how to adjust things "just so" to make it work for me to serve in all the ways I wanted to. I was constantly thinking about what I could change here to make a difference there. "If I put him to sleep earlier, maybe he'll sleep longer. If I burp him longer, maybe he'll sleep better. If I turn on a fan...if I lay him on his belly...if I put him in his car seat...if we adjust his medicine....if I...." You get the picture
I had been desperately trying to figure out what I could do. But everything I tried didn't work. And if it did work, it didn't last. Andthen I'd get my undies in a bunch, in a tizz, frazzled then the sin that was residing in my heart would make a visible appearance in many ugly forms: complaining, grumbling, anger, anxiety, fear, pride, idolatry. Yuck! In that moment when God kindly and mercifully pulled my gaze off of my circumstances to Him, the light shone on all those dark things that had played starring roles in days prior. But it wasn't overwhelming--His yoke is easy and burden light, remember?
He was only calling me to ONE THING right now. And that was to honor Him in the moment. And I knew immediately what that looked like: John 3:30--"He must become greater; I must become less."
Stay tuned....
It was immediately as if a burden was lifted, a huge weight removed. I had been trying for so many days to figure out how to adjust things "just so" to make it work for me to serve in all the ways I wanted to. I was constantly thinking about what I could change here to make a difference there. "If I put him to sleep earlier, maybe he'll sleep longer. If I burp him longer, maybe he'll sleep better. If I turn on a fan...if I lay him on his belly...if I put him in his car seat...if we adjust his medicine....if I...." You get the picture
I had been desperately trying to figure out what I could do. But everything I tried didn't work. And if it did work, it didn't last. And
He was only calling me to ONE THING right now. And that was to honor Him in the moment. And I knew immediately what that looked like: John 3:30--"He must become greater; I must become less."
Stay tuned....
What God Has Been Teaching Me, Part 2
As I paced back and forth in tears from being overwhelmed, I had all kinds of thoughts running through my head.
"How am I supposed to serve my whole family when I have to rock the baby? I can't make supper if I'm always rocking him. I can't not rock him back to sleep because he can't cry for longer than 5 minutes and he never falls asleep that fast. I want to fulfill the roles you've called me to, God, and I want to do them well. But I don't know how I'm supposed to be able to serve everyone all at the same time under these circumstances."
"How is he ever going to learn to fall asleep and stay asleep on his own unless I get him on a schedule? I can't get him on a schedule because I can't always put him to sleep at exactly the right moment. I don't know if you've noticed, God, but sometimes when it's time for Gabe to sleep the other boys need my attention at that moment too. I think putting him on a schedule would help. But I can't get him on a schedule. How can I get him on a schedule?"
"How am I supposed to get Gabe to sleep when I have to keep going upstairs and training Caleb since he's not obeying in his bed? I can't do those things at the same time? I don't know who I'm supposed to prioritize here. I want to be faithful to the things you've called me to God but I don't know which one takes precedence everyday."
"I don't know how to even serve my baby let alone my whole family in these moments. I want to honor You, God, but I don't have a clue how to make this work."
I kept pacing, trying to figure out how I was to honor God in all these areas and specific situations but it was then when my myriad of questions was halted by a kind and gracious Father who gently whispered this:
"Angie, in these moments, in this season, I want you to stop spending all your time trying to discover how you can serve your family and Gabe well. In the very middle of these trying moments I want you to concentrate on how you can serve ME!"
"How am I supposed to serve my whole family when I have to rock the baby? I can't make supper if I'm always rocking him. I can't not rock him back to sleep because he can't cry for longer than 5 minutes and he never falls asleep that fast. I want to fulfill the roles you've called me to, God, and I want to do them well. But I don't know how I'm supposed to be able to serve everyone all at the same time under these circumstances."
"How is he ever going to learn to fall asleep and stay asleep on his own unless I get him on a schedule? I can't get him on a schedule because I can't always put him to sleep at exactly the right moment. I don't know if you've noticed, God, but sometimes when it's time for Gabe to sleep the other boys need my attention at that moment too. I think putting him on a schedule would help. But I can't get him on a schedule. How can I get him on a schedule?"
"How am I supposed to get Gabe to sleep when I have to keep going upstairs and training Caleb since he's not obeying in his bed? I can't do those things at the same time? I don't know who I'm supposed to prioritize here. I want to be faithful to the things you've called me to God but I don't know which one takes precedence everyday."
"I don't know how to even serve my baby let alone my whole family in these moments. I want to honor You, God, but I don't have a clue how to make this work."
I kept pacing, trying to figure out how I was to honor God in all these areas and specific situations but it was then when my myriad of questions was halted by a kind and gracious Father who gently whispered this:
"Angie, in these moments, in this season, I want you to stop spending all your time trying to discover how you can serve your family and Gabe well. In the very middle of these trying moments I want you to concentrate on how you can serve ME!"
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