Before I go on, I did want to make clear that I am not opposed to the practices written about in books that help you raise your child. In fact, I still use many of them. My point is not that any one practice is bad. I just had to learn that my children need a mommy who trusts God, not a mommy who trusts in herself or her good works.
2. The Plate Is Not Mine To Fill
I used to bebop around all over town with my kids in tow, that is when there were only 2 of them. Getting groceries? No big deal! Going to the mall? Totally fun! We were always up for a random outing or adventure. And the fun didn’t stop there. We regularly had at least one play date a week—either at someone else’s house or we’d invite a family to ours. Caleb, Elliott, and I: we got around! I chatted on the phone to friends during naptime. I dusted the baseboard each week. Then I had Gabe and life has not been the same. Wonderful! But not the same!
No matter what I do I cannot get ahead. Forget getting ahead, I can’t even get caught up. My mental to-do list each day consists of tasks that I must do just to keep my children alive and my house from falling apart. Sure I spend extra time filling prescriptions, researching, and visiting specialists regarding his condition but that doesn't take up that much time. And my house isn’t that big so why can I never get it fully cleaned? And for goodness sake, can we please just all go naked for one day so that I can conquer the laundry pile if even for 24 hours?
Each day consists of the same things: feeding my hungry boys, playing with them, reading to them, washing the dirt off them, trying to train them diligently, unloading the dishwasher, putting away toys, finding random objects in rooms carried there by little hands and dropped, putting said objects back where they belong (or shoving them under a bed or in a closet so that I can’t see them anymore…) And that’s before afternoon nap. After getting them to sleep my first thought is, “Now I need to get supper going.” I get supper going, try to complete a chore or 3, read my Bible if I didn’t get to in the morning and then they wake up, Daddy comes home (YAY!) and we repeat.
I don’t know how to fit in sewing projects or completing (ahem…starting) baby books. I still haven’t written thank you notes for when Gabe was born. (Not for lack of gratitude, however!) I can’t find any spare hours to chat on the phone to my friends, to deep clean my house, to decorate the guest room that has been finished for a year. In all honesty, were it not for Sarah Poel's (she's THE BEST!!!!!) faithful and consistent help I would never have a clean toilet to tinkle in. Oh dear. And this stuff can get me down. I can cry to Ben at night that there is never enough time to do the things I’d like to do. There’s not enough time to be a good friend, not enough time get everything done, not enough time to get out of my house and make memories with my boys. And these things make me sad.
But my plate is full. And God has used Gabe to teach me that my plate is full of the right things: my family! Even though I’d like to spend more time with my friends, take my boys on more adventures, and reach out more consistently to the young women in my care group, but right now it isn’t possible. The things that I’m wishing I can fit in to my day aren’t bad. But he has used my precious boy to show me that while I absolutely ADORE what He has given me that I'm discontentedly wanting more. He's shown me that my contentment needs to be solely in Him. And He has shown me in Titus 2:3-5 what he wants for me:
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
God has given me this plate. God has filled it up. And by His grace He is helping me to “walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.” (Colossians 1:10) I still have a long way to go. But isn’t He faithful to help me realize that this is what He has for me?
Photo taken by Erin at The Locket.
5 comments:
There should be 8 million comments here, my friend, because each and every one of us moms can so relate! I love that you are embracing what God has called you to, even when it's not easy. Thanks for being a woman who is honoring the Lord with her time, making use of each day for what is eternal. May your boys one day rise up and call you, "blessed."
Love you & grateful that I get to learn from your example.
Amen and Amen.
Isn't it funny that most of the things that we feel we are missing out on are things that aren't on God's list of must-dos in this season? It is a good reminder to me - thank you!
LOVE that last picture of Gabe!
I'll echo the thanks for sharing this! I have been finding myself so prone to compare to what I *imagine* other moms are doing: playdates, long talks with friends, reaching out to care group ladies, creative projects, etc. Not only am I sinfully comparing, I'm comparing myself to something that isn't even reality! It's good to be reminded A) that most of us are feeling the same way, and B) that I need to be content.
I totally agree with the wise comments above. You're a beautiful and wise woman, and a dear cherished friend thanks for sharing your wisdom. I miss you! And, for the record- I personally don't think there's anything wrong with letting your kids run around naked:) I let our dumplings do it all the time. Then again it is like 100F here:)
girl, you are speakin' my language! Just trying to survive? Check!!!!! Feeling guilty about all the good things I want to do and just can't get to? check!!!! Thanks for the reminder that I'm not the only one--and the reminder that THIS is what God has for us.
Oh, and I probably never dusted my baseboards much, but I did clean my house regularly, one particular chore each day--BEFORE EILA. Now: Ha! Only when I have (wonderful, blessed, God-given) help. :) So I really hear you!
Post a Comment